Change, Manifesting My Dreams, and Falling in Love With Me

If you would’ve told me a year ago that I would be the person I am today, I wouldn’t believe you. For a while, it seemed like I was stuck in the same way of life. Anxious thoughts clouded my mind, making me stressed and bitter. I escaped anything that had to do with focusing on me and instead poured my energy into others. I worked hard for what I wanted, and still didn’t feel too good even when I accomplished a goal. Honestly, I didn’t even like myself. At the beginning of this year, I promised myself I would make a change. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to stop the damn worrying. I wanted to feel like I knew myself. I wanted to feel whole. I set out on my journey to achieve these things, and from it came even more than I hoped for. I wanted to share with you all what I’ve learned so far on my personal journey, and maybe inspire of few of you to start your own.  

Change is necessary.


As someone who likes to feel as if I have a handle on everything, change has always been a difficult thing for me to accept. I love my routines, I love being engaged in activities, and I love to plan everything. When change happens, I normally don’t take it well and keep fighting it until I can’t anymore. This year I can say I haven’t done a whole lot of that. A few people in my life that I never imagined wouldn’t be around, aren’t anymore. It took a lot of courage to accept that, but once I did everything fell into place in the best way possible. What I’ve learned is that as I grow, things in my life must shift and change to accommodate the woman I am becoming. My soul needs room to explore, and in order to do that some things must go. When an opportunity or a person is taken out of my life, for whatever reason, it is so much easier to embrace the change as a blessing rather than wonder why or how it happened. I put trust in the Universe that it will show me the reason when I’m ready to know, and it always does. The more I surrender to what is, the more I open myself up to new things that I was missing out on before.  

Manifestation is everything.

Over the past six months I have received an abundance of blessings and opportunities that I never even dreamed of having. I’ve created this blog, which has received so much support. I’ve been published in Teen Vogue, Black Girl In Om, and Spoken Black Girl Mag. Outside of my writing, I’ve made some amazing friends, had incredible adventures in California and Greece, and possessed the most positive and happy outlook on life that I’ve ever had. How did all this awesome stuff happen to me? I manifested every bit of it. There is so much power in where we choose to put our thoughts and energy. Focus on the positive, and more positive will come to you. Same for the negative. At the start of 2017, I promised myself that I was going to change my thinking. Instead of worrying all the time about things that hadn’t even happened yet, I decided that I was going to focus on what I wanted to accomplish in my life and what I wanted to make better. The more positive energy I flowed into things like this blog, friendships, and writing opportunities, the more they came. Some experiences were intentional, others were a surprise. Each one of them brought me so much appreciation for understanding the power of manifestation and using it to my benefit.


Finding love within yourself will set you free.


About a year ago, I began to realize that if I didn’t love myself, I would never truly be happy. Up until then, I had relied on external forces for validation and love, and every time I was disappointed by them I would fall apart. I first started doing small things that made me feel good, like bullet journaling or ordering Chinese on Friday nights and watching Modern Family. Whenever I felt anxious or uneasy I would ask myself, “what would make you feel better in this moment?” I began to listen to what I wanted, something I had never done before. Speaking affirmations about believing in myself and finding my power came next, until I got to the point where I could confidently say that I loved myself. None of this was easy at first. My mind felt so uncomfortable focusing on me when I had spent my entire life thinking of anything but. Eventually though, I created a foundation within my own soul that could not be altered by anyone else. I created love in places where I felt the most pain, and discovered that my heart does not yearn for anyone else’s love besides my own. Now that I truly love myself, I find joy in days spent alone. I understand that I cannot truly give my best to anyone until I pay attention to what I need for me. I know that I am complete and whole. With the love that I possess for myself, I can do anything and be anything I want to be. I've got a wonderful life to live, and I've never been so happy to do so.

As I wrap this up, I want to know: What are some things you’ve learned on your journey to becoming a better version of yourself? Comment below.