#020: how I got unstuck

the story

My second annual staycation in Chicago was everything I needed after powering through my never-ending schedule the past three months. It was a frigid 1 degree(!) in the Chi the day I checked in, so it was only fitting that I grab a bottle of wine, some Sweet & Salty Skinny Pop, cozy up under the covers and binge the Best Man Final Chapters from start to finish. It felt like the biggest exhale — one that was way overdue.

This time was meant to serve a few purposes: rest, reflection, and intention setting for the new year. Removing my self from the familiar and relaxing in a space that feels like a clean slate has always helped me clear my mind and regain focus, so that’s what I set out to do. The time went way too quickly, and by Christmas morning I found myself having barely done any reflection or intention setting. To be honest, I was stuck and still pretty exhausted. Plus, how does one go about trying to trump a year like the one I’d just had? The more I tried, the less motivated I was to even think about what I wanted to achieve next year. 

I began to realize that I was applying the same pressure to my time of rest that I had been to my daily life. Here I was, trying to force the beginnings of a 2023 game plan when I hadn’t even taken a pause to really enjoy and appreciate how far I’d come. After trying to push through my intention setting for a little while longer I stopped and thought to myself, “do we really need to do this right now?” The answer was no.

the lesson

I’m someone who naturally focuses on the future all the time. I live by my calendar and to-do list, always trying to stay ahead and keep my anxiety at bay by making sure everything is organized and planned to a T. It began to dawn on me that the best thing for me to do was to take it slow (for once) and enjoy the present. The big cozy bed, the sun streaming in every morning, the way my favorite songs would drift out of the Marshall speaker in my hotel room, the delicious Christmas Eve dinner I’d shared with my mom. That feeling of gratitude was the only thing I really needed in the moment.

Sometimes it’s hard to pause and honor how far you’ve come, but it is so essential that we leave space to process everything before starting something new. Over the next week or so I allowed myself to feel anything that came up: pride, gratitude, joy, triumph. There were some moments where I’d feel my chest get heavy and find myself emotional, grieving the people I let go of and how insanely challenging it had been to work through the discomfort as I made more room for myself and less room for people’s bullsh*t. Sorry, had to be said.

Last but not least. In the sea of hustle culture, don’t let people and their inability to create boundaries for themselves influence you into not taking time off. Last year I took one full week off and a long weekend here and there. It was not enough. Take the time, even if there’s nowhere to go. It took longer than I care to admit for me to unwind myself from all the chaos that was Q4. It probably would’ve been easier if I’d taken more breaks throughout the year.

the light

In letting myself be present and fully process the transformation that took place over the past year, I found the peace I needed in the completion of a really important chapter in my life. It felt so good to say, “I did it. All that I set out to do, and then some.” You can’t move forward without honoring the past and I’m so glad I realized it as soon as I did. That being said…

There are so many exciting things already in place for 2023 and I can’t wait to share with you all. I feel all bubbly and happy just thinking about it! It’s been an amazing journey and it only gets better from here. I’m so glad y’all are around to join me on it. Happy New Year fam ❤️