the story
It had been three years since I’d done any kind of workout that wasn’t yoga, and that was intentional. After finally getting to a place where I wasn’t constantly obsessing over my weight and body image, the last thing I wanted to do was exercise in ways that would potentially trigger the body dysmorphia that I’d worked so hard to heal.
Buuuut I had just moved to NYC in 2019 and life was really…life-ing. Stress was at an all-time high as I navigated being fresh out of college coupled with a completely new life, job, and environment. My anxiety was crippling, and all the drinking, partying, and constantly being in the mix was making it worse. I really needed help and my usual ways of coping just weren’t cutting it.
Scrolling through ClassPass one day I came across a studio called Shaktibarre. Their messaging was warm, inclusive, and their values really focused on the whole human — not just physical transformation. One class later and I fell in love. The workouts were hard AF, but I never once felt like there was pressure for my body to be any way other than it was. Every plank, pulse, and crunch got me one step closer to developing a new kind of relationship with my body that I’d never had before.
It was one of the first places in Brooklyn that really made it feel like home. I’d take class every chance I got, craving how much it helped me to release all the whirlwind emotions that came with this crazy new city. Working out made me feel stronger, not just physically but mentally too. I began to realize just how connected my mind and body were, and how necessary it was for my mental health to regularly move my body. By October 2019, I was a certified barre instructor and dedicated to consistent movement in the healthiest way I ever had been. My practice, whether it was barre, yoga, sculpt or just walking, helped me regulate my thoughts and emotions in a new way. It was, and continues to be, one of the easiest methods for me to feel relief from my anxiety and any difficult feelings that arise.
the lesson
Just because something isn’t for you at one moment in time, doesn’t mean it will always be that way. I put exercise down for years because I couldn’t help but associate it with weight loss and body dysmorphia. Sometimes all you need is a pause - to grow, to learn about yourself, and create space for new perspectives to come through. In my case, taking time away helped me to reframe my narrative around exercise and focus on the mental benefits instead of the physical gains.
The mind-body connection is stronger than one may think. Y’all know I’m all for journaling, meditation, therapy, and gratitude practices, but there’s something incomparable to the feeling of physically releasing through the body. It’s almost like the preliminary step I have to take before I get down to the nitty gritty stuff. When a particular movement gets to be too challenging, I often find myself using that as a time to focus on something that’s really been bothering me. The post-workout shower washes everything away and boom — I always feel at least a little better than I did beforehand.
the light
My mental health toolkit always changes as I grow, explore, and learn new things about how I process my feelings. It feels so good to have done the work to discover healthy coping skills that don’t leave me feeling worse than when I started. Though movement isn’t my only medicine or remedy to combat tough moments and maintain balance within my mind, it’s essential for me. It’s not always easy to be consistent, but it is so worth it.
If you’re looking for a new way to explore movement (or just a really great challenge) join me next Saturday (12/17) for mat barre at Held Space BK! Click here for more details on how to sign up. Talk to y’all next week for the 2022 Wrap-Up ❤️