the story
It was the morning after one of my favorite kinds of nights. Summertime Chi, delicious shrimp tacos, a strawberry margarita pitcher, and my friend Kyle and I belting out Alicia Keys lyrics at a bar. It had been a momentary pause, a spark of joy, in between the overwhelming grief I was going through. My mom and I were in the car on the way to a yin yoga class when another wave hit. Suddenly I was folded over with my head in my hands, sobbing as my mom drove with one hand and rubbed my back with another.
Protect your energy.
It was a promise I made to myself at the top of the year, and this was by far the hardest time I’d had honoring my word. I’d made a decision for my long term happiness at the expense of it hurting like hell in the short term. Chile, I was not okay.
I wiped my tears as we headed inside, getting it together just in time for our yoga teacher, an older black woman named Peggy, to greet us. She embodied wisdom, warmth, and confidence. I felt a small sigh of relief ripple through my body. I needed this class, real bad.
Peggy’s style of teaching was to talk us through every pose, a mini education on each one accompanied with little gems of life advice. She spoke to pull us into the moment, and distract from the discomfort of the longer holds. With each pose she took myself, the other two younger black women in the front row, and the rest of the class on a journey through simple but powerful reminders about life.
“She was talking to you girl, I couldn’t believe it!” My mom exclaimed at the end of class.
She absolutely was, and every word was what I needed to hear. To be honest, I think we all need to hear them, so here’s what Ms. Peggy had to say that day.
the lesson
The breath gives us balance, stability, and most importantly, life. Yet we often take it for granted. It’s one of our most powerful tools, but it’s hard to realize until it’s taken away. Y’all remember those air quality issues we had? Def a wakeup call. The breath is such an essential part of life and we can use it to our advantage. Slow and steady breathing to regulate your nervous system is one of the most accessible ways to ground yourself in times of distress. Next time you feel overwhelmed, slowly follow your breath in and out to bring you back to center…and keep you from doing some dumb sh*t.
Pay attention to energy — your intuition knows best. This goes for people, places, and opportunities. We can feel and catch on to more than we think, if we just pay attention to what our senses are telling us. That gut feeling means something, and the more you ignore your intuition the louder it gets. Trust yourself, and how your physical and mental react to your surroundings. Therein will always lie the answer you need.
Surrender to the present instead of focusing on what could’ve or should’ve been. If there’s anything I’ve learned from hours of meditation, it’s that our fixation on the past or future is what leads to suffering. The most peaceful I’ve ever felt was when I began to be more comfortable with the present moment. Many of us deal with anxiety or depression, making it even harder to keep our minds from straying to what we can’t control. It ain’t easy, but try to practice presence whenever you can, even if it’s just through a little five minute meditation.
Phases in life aren’t good or bad, they’re meant to help us choose what’s best for us. We’ve been through so many phases over the course of our lives, each one slowly building up who we are, teaching us who we want to be. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through each phase of my own life it’s that the choices we make, especially when things don’t feel right, are so important in getting us to a new and better place. Phases are here to teach us, and it’s up to you to make a choice that aligns with who you want to be.
the light
I don’t know y’all, there’s something about wisdom given through the lens of a black auntie that really just hits the spot and I wanted to share that today. That morning was really something special.
I don’t even know where to put this part, but I had to put it somewhere because it was hilarious. In the middle of class, as we were “moving our energy” with our hands, Peggy told one of the other black girls that her gel extension manicure was getting in the way of her connecting her finger pads together. She also said she went through a phase herself with gel manis, before she realized all those UV rays led to cancer. Oop. She concluded with the lesson on phases and how they always help us choose what’s best for us. The delivery had us all stifling our laughter. So classic.
The whole class left feeling lighter and more joyful, giggly even. It was a release, a warm hug, and a guided meditation that reminded me of simple truths we often forget when things get rough.
Sometimes people are placed in front of us for a fleeting moment to bring a little light back into our lives. Peggy from the Bronx, a true NYC girl and one fine woman back in her prime (her words, not mine) brought light and wisdom that I needed to make it through the rest of that day. It’s these little moments that are like stepping stones. They may not solve the full problem, but they provide just a bit of relief that proves everything, eventually, will be just fine.