the story
“When I look at the greatest acts of love in the world, often they’re not romantic. Often they’re family or friendship. As much as romantic love is important, don’t make the mistake to devalue all the other relationships in your life.” - Jay Shetty
Ooooh that one hit. It was close to Valentine’s Day and a part of me was a little nervous. Last year V-Day had me in a whole funk, and quite honestly I wasn’t in the mood to have a bad day just because oodles of people are hard launching their SOs all over my timeline and posting videos with “Hrs & Hrs” as the soundtrack. Gawd I’m so over that song.
I’m pretty cozy in my singleness these days, but something about the day always irks me juuuust a little bit. As Jay continued his thought, explaining the pressure we put on romantic love when what we receive from family and friends is just as important, I began to think about all the ways I’ve experienced love in the past year from my community.
It’s my mom popping into New York for a weekend and receiving a dose of that glorious mama energy when I need it the most. It’s the way my brother always jokes that he’s going to work for me one day because he believes in me that much. It’s the big hug and the softly spoken “love you girl” at the end of a night out gone wrong. It’s the way we uplift, support, and plug each other’s projects because we’re all doing dope things. It’s driving to pick me up in ten minutes flat from one of the worst nights I’d had last year. It’s the bonding moment at 7am after the best night out when you both can’t sleep and instead find the nearest Target (for Gatorade) and Starbucks (for coffee) to pull up to looking absolutely insane. It’s the “hey babycakes!” greeting my cousin uses, passed down from our moms. It’s pouring our hearts out over delicious food and being reminded of how many people are in your corner. It’s how they always show up to my barre classes and make sure I know how much they appreciate this newsletter.
happiest of happy sighs. Love is all around me. It’s clear today and it was clear on Valentine’s Day.
the lesson
Love is everywhere, you just have to pay attention to it. Though it is still totally normal to desire a romantic love (of course I want me a man to snuggle up to!) acts of love from friends and family can fill you up just as much. A lot of my work done on myself in the past year has been shifting my focus or attitude to spend more time leaning into what makes me feel good. We can apply that same thought process to love within our communities. Energy flows where your attention goes, so try to spend your energy on who’s filling you up instead of bringing you down.
Dating your friends is just as fun as dating romantically. Go try something new with a friend and stop waiting on a partner to experience cool things with! I’ve done candle making, paint and sips, Central Park picnics, workout classes, to name a few. I plan on ramping it up even more this year too. Put in effort, create experiences, and lean into chances to deepen the relationship. It’s so worth it, I promise.
Knowing what love feels like can help you stay away from people who aren’t capable of giving it. Because who wants to feel like crap? After being incredibly intentional about cultivating community last year, I know all too well how it feels when someone pours into my cup. Anything that detracts is much more noticeable now, so you best believe as soon as I don’t feel good about somebody I make an adjustment.
the light
I had a great Valentine’s Day. A complete 180 from last year. It was filled with good food, drinks, laughter, and a Renaissance ticket that just casually dropped into my lap. If I would’ve been moping around that day, I would not have a ticket to see Beyoncé right now!! I just had to mention that part somewhere in here. Anyway.
Love is here, it’s present, it’s all around us, and it feels good. The more you seek it, the more you’ll cultivate it, and I love that for you. So if it’s not too much to ask, try to point out a few ways you’ve experienced love from your community recently and really lean into how it makes you feel to recognize it. It doesn’t have to be some huge act, just things that bring that a warm, cozy, fuzzy feeling. Make it a practice until it becomes second nature, and watch how your perspective changes when you find out that love has been here all along.