the story
Just pause. What do you need right now?
To shower, to eat, to light a candle, to throw on a show, to put down my phone, to read a book and doze off, to try again in the morning.
Through the years I’ve learned that this question is the simplest to answer in a moment when my anxiety has taken over. It’s one that helps me slow down and be present when my thoughts feel like they’re pulling me into a completely different reality. Over and over again, this question has been a lifesaver. Deciding what I need and putting one foot in front of the other to do so until something shifts is hard af, but worth it every time. Listen, I’m an anxious girl. It’s always been that way. I’m prone to feeling like the sky is about to cave in at any given moment. At this point in my life I’ve accepted the fact that certain things are here to stay, but how I manage it makes all the difference.
Last week was one of those weeks. Work was kicking my tail, I’d been managing logistics for a few partnerships coming up, my phone was flooding with messages that I didn’t have the energy to answer, my movement schedule was completely off and my period was coming, which meant that the tears were flowing out of nowhere. Mix that all together with mercury being in retrograde and ya girl was on an emotional rollercoaster.
If I don’t finish this deck it’s going to make me look like I can’t handle my work.
I should’ve canceled, anyone who sees me like this is going to judge me or think something’s wrong with me.
I have too much on my plate. I can’t do this.
How did my calendar get this full? I’m already failing at being more intentional with my time.
True! Crisis! Mode! It was treacherous and I wish I was being dramatic by saying so. These moments don’t happen that often for me anymore but when they do, it’s a hard place to get out of. Through years of experience and a ton of trial and error, here’s what I learned to do when all hell breaks loose in my brain.
the lesson
Routine is essential, deviating from it leaves more room for anxious thoughts to creep in. Many people know me to be hyper-organized, obsessed with self-care and wellness, and generally on top of my shit. Let me tell you, all that is a coping strategy to keep me grounded. There are things I do every day to keep myself above water. I meditate, work out, take my vitamins, tell the Universe out loud that I want to see something amazing (don’t knock it til you try it), drink at least 60z of water, make task lists, update my calendar, and read at night before I go to bed. These are the essentials that keep me stabilized. Starting at a good baseline is everything.
Sometimes preventative measures fall off or something happens that completely throws me for a loop. That’s when “what do you need?” becomes most helpful. If I can, I always move my body first. It takes the edge off and gives me a more clear perspective. Eating is also very important. Low blood sugar will help you lose your mind, real quick. Sometimes the need can be a bit more prescriptive. Taking a second to pause and peel back the layers of what’s really triggering me and addressing what I can helps me take small steps to get back to the baseline.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that my anxiety is largely tied to lacking boundaries or not being clear about what I need. If there’s a part of me that feels like a boundary needs to be put in place, my little personal alarm system goes off in the form of intense anxiety. This has happened quite a bit, and I’ve learned not to write it off as “just anxiety” because every time I have it’s come back to bite me. If I have anxiety about a person, I always pay attention. Chances are, it’s my intuition trying to signal before the rest of me catches up. No matter how good I want to feel about somebody, if my spidey senses are tingling, I need to listen.
One last thing: screw the people who judge you for it. The fear of someone thinking less of me if they see me off my game always gets to me. The reality is, while I do bring the joy and high energy most of the time, it’s unrealistic to expect that I’m always going to feel my best. Being anxious around others makes me feel exposed and embarrassed, leaving me to close myself off until I feel better. Lately I’ve been reminding myself that:
The people who are supposed to be in my life would never think about me negatively for having a bad day
People are much more concerned with themselves than they are with me — they probably aren’t thinking too hard about how I came off
While hiding out until the storm’s over is fine, being around those who I know love me can often bring me back down to earth and make all the difference
the light
So yeah, I can be an anxious girl sometimes. I can feel like the sky is about to fall over big things and small ones. I can worry myself into a delusional hole that don’t even make much sense. I can also be the girl who lights up any room with my silliness and smiles. I can bring the warm energy, realness, and motivation too. I can have all the love in the world to share with those close to me, and it shows. Being one way or the other at any given time doesn’t make me more or less lovable, it just makes me who I am.
I know there’s a lot of you who struggle with anxiety, and you certainly aren’t alone. My methods for coping may be wildly different from yours — what matters is making sure you have some kind of toolkit for when things get rough. Experiment with coping strategies until you find a mix of things that work for you that you can always rely on. Mine took years to build and has evolved as I have. That’s totally normal!
Patience, flexibility, and acceptance.
I hope these words serve as a reminder to give yourself all three on your mental health journey.