*Trigger warning: this newsletter is goes in depth on my experience with body dysmorphia*
Shameless plug: I wrote this piece on body acceptance that appeared in Teen Vogue a few years ago – for anyone struggling with body image, this could be a helpful starting point!
the story
“What would happen if you stopped weighing yourself every day?”
I froze, feeling my anxiety take over. What Sarah, my registered dietician, was asking me to think about felt beyond the realm of possibility for me. After all, weighing myself every morning was a “ritual” of sorts. One that tended to ruin my day more than it would start it off on the right foot, but a ritual nonetheless.
I had been struggling with body dysmorphia for over ten years and Sarah’s job was to help me heal my relationship with my body. I was obsessive over my eating habits, thought constantly about how my body looked, and weighed myself every morning. It had taken over my LIFE and was making me miserable.
Ditching the scale was one of the first steps in a years-long journey to make things right between my mind and my body. I had to unravel every habit I’d created around my body image and do a full reset.
Healing my body dysmorphia was a process. Digging deep and changing my perspective on what it meant to be and feel worthy was a huge part of it, as was changing my own definitions of beauty and not relying on societal standards to dictate what was acceptable. It was one of the most challenging things I’ve had to overcome, but to be as happy, healthy, and free from damaging thoughts as I am now made it all worth it.
the lesson
The relationship between the mind and body is an incredibly important one, and it starts with learning to honor your body. The body is intuitive – mine didn’t need to be constantly monitored. It was my job to pause and tune into what I actually needed instead of solely focusing on controlling my weight. I had to learn to trust that my body knows exactly what it needs and how much of it. Trying to control a process that was quite natural through exercising in ways I hated, weighing myself every morning, and going through mental gymnastics every time I ate a “bad food” was never going to be sustainable. I had to let go of my need to control in order to set myself free.
Another lesson: even the most mentally challenging things are still possible to overcome. Some things really may take years, and that’s okay. I look back to where I started, the stress headaches I’d get and the constant process of catching myself thinking poorly about my body and reframing the thought. It’s wild to think that now, six years later, I naturally gravitate towards the foods my body needs and don't think twice. We all can do really hard things. Start somewhere and don’t rush.
the light
Taking the time to heal my relationship with my body was one of the best things I could’ve done. What now works for me is simply focusing on how I feel instead of how I look. Movement is part of my daily life because it makes me feel strong, is a huge mood booster and helps my anxiety. I eat whatever the hell I want, whether that’s a big pasta bowl or a big salad bowl. When I look in the mirror I can admire myself and whatever outfit I have on before moving on with my day.
All of the above is great, but you know what the absolute best part is? Being free to live life on my terms. Making memories with friends over delicious foods. Becoming a barre instructor simply because I enjoy moving my body that way. Starting my day off with a clear head because I’m not thinking about a number on a scale. That part right there? Something I will never take for granted.
Patience, kindness, and unwavering love, my friends. It’s what we deserve and our bodies do as well.
Until next time ❤️