Hey y’all! My name is Rhyann Leslie Robinson, I’m a 26 year old PhD student studying clinical psychology in Boston! I like to read trashy romance books, take long walks in scenic places, and hang out with my friends! I’ve known Ayorinde for over 10 years and I am so proud of everything she’s done with 20Something Stories. I’m grateful to be able to share my story with y’all ❤️
the story
*Receives second wedding invitation of the year*
*Witnesses fifth marriage proposal on Instagram*
*Opens Hinge to two creepy messages*
*deep sigh*
If this is you…same. And it literally is me. I’m a newly minted late 20Something (I just turned 26 during Leo season!) and I’ve never had a boyfriend. My dating life thus far has consisted of experimenting with various dating apps, a few dates most of which were only first, and fictional book boyfriends à la maladaptive daydreaming (the girls that get it, get it). I haven’t really had much experience in the romance department.
Over the last two years I’ve watched my friends date, be in relationships, get engaged, get married, and have children. As a perpetual student, it can often feel like I’m stuck back in middle school when just kissing a boy was top tier action while all of my friends are being “real adults” and moving forward with their lives. It’s been hard. Seeing everyone do what you thought you might do when you were in grade school imagining your future romantic life; saying “just wait until I get to high school”, and then in high school saying “just wait until I get to college” and getting to college and realizing that you’re still waiting. Just waiting for your time; for the “glow up” that never really came.
Just like many others, I’m a hopeless romantic with Pinterest boards full of the many weddings that I’ve planned throughout the years just hoping that one day I can make those pictures come to life for myself and my special someone. But alas, while my friends plan dream weddings and share fun hook up stories with me, “I’m 2[6] years old; I have no money and no prospects; I’m already a burden to my parents; and I’m frightened.” Once again, the girls that get it, get it.
It wasn’t until last year, when I saw a TikTok of a Black woman who said she was 27 and had never been on a date, that I actually felt seen and heard.
the lesson
After seeking individual therapy and going down the TikTok rabbit hole of the “late bloomers”, specifically seeking out Black women’s experiences, I realized that I am not alone in this experience of watching all of your friends date and find their person while you watch from the sidelines. I am not stuck in grade school just because I haven’t been in a serious relationship, I’m about to be a DOCTOR for crying out loud! I am living my life as an adult (even when it feels like I am not), and my “adulting” experience is just as valid as my friends’ who are married with kids.
I also know that, as a Black woman that occupies predominantly White spaces *cough* Boston *cough* it is going to be more difficult for me to date. Once I found out that Black women and Asian men have been statistically deemed the “least desirable” identity groups across dating apps (thank Issa Rae!) it was easier for me to understand that what I thought was personal misfortune was just another category of life that is impacted by systemic racism. While this information may seem discouraging (because in many ways it is), it’s easier to know that it’s not just me, and it’s not even really personal.
the light
Though I’m not a monarchist, I know that some day my prince will come. Or maybe he won’t. Either way, I know that my life is fulfilled because I am doing exactly what I want with the people that I want and in the places that I want to be in. While I may not believe this sentiment fully right now, and seeing yet another college acquaintance walk down the aisle on Instagram is still a little bittersweet, this is the attitude that I am striving towards. There is a time and place for all of the “adulting” parts of life that we all dreamed about as kids and teenagers, and while we may consider ourselves late bloomers in this way, we’ve been blooming in other ways the entire time.
Being a late bloomer, I’ve had to recognize and rely on the other things that are important to me in life. For example: my career, my family, my friends, and most importantly, myself! Though mainstream culture suggests otherwise, I know that dating and romance isn’t everything. Either way, I know that I am deserving of it. That is what I hope you take away from this, my dear fellow late bloomers: you deserve it, in all the right and healthy ways.