the story
There’s always a moment when the clouds break after the worst kind of storm. Suddenly, you feel lighter. It may not last for long, but it’s there. It’s that little glimmer of hope that lets you know everything really, truly will be okay.
When you’re going through it, time seems to go by slower than you could ever imagine. The more it passes, however, the more room there is for the little beams of light to shine through. Moment by moment, it all comes back together. I couldn’t pick just one, so here’s a collection of glimmers as of late that reminded me that I will be better than just fine:
It was when I slid on a sexy burnt orange sleeveless dress that hugged me in all the right places, did my makeup for the first time in forever, and made it through my beautiful friend’s wedding and reception, only crying happy tears when she walked down the aisle. Congrats, Mr. and Mrs. Rosen!! ❤️
It was the first Solidcore class I took, followed by three more classes in one week, that reminded me heartbreak may hurt but that workout?? If I can get through Solidcore, I can get through anything, chile.
It was when I got a text with a huge opportunity to combine all the things I’m passionate about into one. More on this soon but honestly y’all, I’m so excited for you to see this!
It was selling out Flow & Release, a yoga and barre class series I co-lead, in just a few hours.
It was the great performance review I got at work despite feeling my absolute worst all quarter.
It was the sun beating down on my face as I logged my usual three miles of walking because it was finally warm outside.
It was releasing the bits and pieces of the end that I’d tried to make sense of but couldn’t, and instead accepting the painful truths I knew as enough to move on.
It was buying a bouquet of flowers and popping open the bottle of champagne I’d been saving for the perfect moment to celebrate something big with friends and instead, taking the time to celebrate a major milestone by myself.
It was finally, after six years of wanting to do it, taking the plunge and signing up for yoga teacher training this Spring. That’s right — I’m going to be a yoga teacher!!!
It was waking up one day without the feelings of harsh reality crashing down on me and peacefully making my way through my morning rituals.
And 100% the moment my sister affirmed me with a simple truth: no matter how messy my life felt, she was a witness to my story unfolding, and it was all so beautiful.
the lesson
Give it time. It reveals and heals all. With time comes acceptance of even the hardest truths and understanding of why it really had to happen. Honestly, I get it now. Not why he had to mishandle and mistreat me the way he did, but the reason he had to go. I needed better. I deserved better. I wouldn’t be where I’m at right now, doing so well in all other areas of my life, had that relationship stayed intact. Now here I am, far from all the way healed, but filled with enough hope and happiness to keep going.
the light
Tough shit happens and yes, I’m more than a little traumatized. Some things will smack you across the face so hard you might see stars for weeks. Just know this: your story is an important one. Every crazy turn it takes is necessary to mold you into exactly who you’re supposed to be. Embrace it and who you’re becoming.
The low-lows can be unbearable to fight through, but I’ve never appreciated having a clear head and genuine optimism for the future more than I do right now. I’ve never had the urge to protect my boundaries with a level of fierceness that hadn’t yet been reached before this. I’ve never been so loving and proud of who I am in this moment, despite how horrible this all made me feel.
When things get dark, you must love yourself back into the light. It might not be as instant as you’d like it to be, but the process itself is beautiful in its own right. Lean into it all, and put trust in yourself that you can always find your way out. When you do, the joy will feel unlike anything you’ve felt before.
It smells like real hope in here. Thank. God. Consider this me closing the book on that young man and this little heartbreak series. Whewwweeee, it feels good.
my matcha moment 🍵
When life gets unbearable, go to Solidcore. I'm serious!! You’ll have no choice but to pivot your attention away from your pain, because if you don’t you might just bust your behind on a moving carriage. I do have a little bruise on my leg to support this statement.
Any hard workout will do though. I’m a firm believer in healing through movement. There’s a lot of energy stored in the body and challenging workouts help us shake out what words might not be able to. Try it one day, you will not be disappointed.