the story
“Next year, I’m not doing this. Literally anything but this,” I said to my mom, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice and failing.
What had begun as a relaxing Thanksgiving spent in Georgia last year with two adorable pups and heaps of amazing food had turned into a passive aggressive episode of Real Housewives when the decision was made to add more family members to the equation. My nerves were shot — any relaxation I’d felt at the beginning of the trip was gone.
Family and the holidays are a tough subject for me. Last year I’d left Thanksgiving feeling emotionally spent and barely got through Christmas knowing that the boundaries I’d set around one group of family members kept me from being with the few people I really did want to see. It was a hard time, so this year I decided to do things a little differently.
Two weeks ago, I held an event called Grow in Gratitude. The purpose was to help the women who attended cultivate as much gratitude as possible for what they already had in the present moment, before stepping into the holiday season. For some, I’m sure it just added to all the good feelings of celebration they were looking forward to with family. For others, it may have been a source of comfort before walking into a less than ideal situation at home. It was a beautiful day with so much good energy, and the perfect way to start the holiday season.
A week later, I flew home to Chicago for Thanksgiving. Staying true to my word, it was quiet this year. As I began to juggle my own mixed emotions about my decision I broke out the gratitude prompts I gave everyone at my event and began to write, because now I was in need of some comfort. I’d traded in traditional Thanksgiving for a calm day with my mom. Though it was really nice, it was different from what I was used to.
Writing out my answer to each prompt, I was lifted back into gratitude for what I had in the present. The things I was loving about myself and my growth lately, the unwavering support I had from my mom, and so much more. I had enough to fill me up until the time came when I could enjoy holidays filled with lots of family, delicious Thanksgiving food, and more laughs and love than I could imagine. Until then, I’ll choose peace every time 💛
the lesson
Be a skeptic all you want, but that gratitude shit works. The more genuine gratitude you can create about what you already have, the easier it will be to focus on and draw in more of that good stuff. I’ve had many days where my daily reminder to rest in gratitude pings on my phone and draws me out of whatever unhelpful thought pattern I’d found myself in. It works in the middle of the day and it worked when I found myself in my feels on Thanksgiving. Really try to make it a practice and you won’t be disappointed.
Never be afraid to create more of what you desire. Bringing people together to nurture both their mind and body, while also connecting them to each other is one of my favorite things to do. It brings me a lot of comfort and joy knowing that a few people may have walked away from Grow in Gratitude feeling more seen and less alone. In the process, I get to feel all that beautiful community energy too — the exact thing I sometimes miss around the holidays. I’m always doing it for y’all, but I do it for me too 😉
If holidays aren’t the easiest, build in time for something you’ll enjoy. Outside of leading Grow in Gratitude, my mom and I planned our little dinner a month in advance at a place I knew we’d both love. The dinner was fantastic, and so was the waiter who told me my eyebrows looked flawless. On top of that, I flew back to NYC early to spend time with one of my favorite people who wasn’t able to travel home. Holidays, just like everything else, can be exactly what you make them to be.
Always tell your story, the real ones will keep their arms open anyway. I’ve been thinking a lot about perfection lately and my attachment to it. I originally didn’t want to focus at all on my holiday when I wrote this because I didn’t want to be the girl in your inbox with a very neutral, somewhat sad story to tell. My desire for perfection is the same reason I found myself scared out of my mind to be vulnerable with someone about recent anxieties I’d been going through. “Positive” and “confident” are two words I’ve been described as, and my attachment to always appearing that way has sometimes held me back. Lately, I’m learning to embrace the sides I tuck away in the shadows. Messed up family, anxious mind and all, nothing is ever going to detract from the qualities so many know me to have. Rather, it makes it even more impressive that I do still live up to my name meaning, “joy walks in,” in spite of what I sometimes deal with. So I’m going to tell my story, even when it’s a little scary to do so.
the light
“I’m really liking this Thanksgiving, this is nice,” my mom said as she left the house to grab ingredients for my favorite: her yummy Bran muffins. Girl, same.
As different as this one was, it was still filled with some of my simple pleasures: a long walk on the lakefront, a warm cup of Chai from Starbucks, cheesy Christmas movies, delicious filet mignon coupled with truffle fries, shrimp scampi, and a few glasses of wine. Fancy steakhouses on Thanksgiving ain’t so bad, tbh.
This holiday may not have been what I was used to, but it reflected how intentional I am now with my time, energy, and effort. Put plainly, I ain’t here for no funny shit, and I’m really proud of myself for getting to this place. If that means I only surround myself with a small handful of people, so be it. I still got more love and hugs and laughter than I could’ve asked for and I’m so grateful for those who provided that for me.
If you’re someone who tends to struggle during the holidays, try to think about what’s working and what isn’t for you, and if you can make any changes that will make you more comfortable. It may not always be what you originally wanted, but I find that taking agency over what I can control often makes me feel a lot better.
my matcha moment 🍵
Two months ago I started taking AG1 every morning. It’s essentially a supercharged vitamin supplement that I drink and the first time I’ve actually felt a difference when I take vitamins. More energy in general and stronger performance during workouts is what I tend to notice the most, but it’s also contributed positively to my cycle. So if you’re lowkey grown and still trying to fulfill that promise you made to your mom all those years ago to take your vitamins, AG1 might not be a bad place to start. This isn’t an ad, though I wish it were one!