Happy almost September (?!?) lovelies, I’m so happy to be back in my favorite corner of the internet. We have a lot to catch up on — let’s get right into it.
My Saturn Return started. I got my first little taste of it these past few months and LOL y’all can take this shit back! Thankfully Saturn will be retrograding back into Pisces until February starting tomorrow, so I get a much needed break. Those with their Saturn in Pisces? Y’all be well 🫶🏼
This thing really crept up on me. It started right after my birthday. Nothing happened immediately, but late July came in like a wrecking ball and chile my life has not let up since.
I was on a walk, talking to my mom and letting my hair dry. I happened to check my texts and an unsaved number whose notifications had been silenced had popped up at the top. It was my ex, that ex. The one who lovebombed me and left a huge taint on my heart. I know everyone says they always come back, but I genuinely didn’t think he would after what he did. Let’s just say the text was a self-serving apology that I should’ve never been bothered with 1.5 years after we broke up. It shook me, and made me really angry. This was also the start of Mercury RX lolz.
A week later I was on a flight to Portland, OR. I’ve been slowly venturing into solo travel. First it was upstate NY, then I flew across the country, and soon I’ll be planning a trip out of the country! I wanted to be in nature for this one, so I made it a point to visit Multnomah Falls and the Oregon Coast. The views were stunning and exactly what I needed. While I was there, I went on arguably one of my favorite first dates.
NYC Hinge is no longer my thing, but I figured hopping on Portland Hinge couldn’t hurt. I matched with a guy and he ended up planning an entire day for us. He took me to an amazing matcha café, we hiked Multnomah Falls together, and after a little break for a few hours he picked me back up to take me to dinner at this upscale Haitian restaurant. He was sweet, open, and intentional. A little nerdy, which I tend to prefer. We were also both really into fitness and that’s become more of a necessity for me. Buuut…yep, there’s a but.
Long story short, he tried to lovebomb me. At 6am the morning after our date, I woke up to the longest text I’ve probably ever received, professing all his feelings for me and what could be. This man told me he was confident that I was his wife. HIS WIFE. After one date! Naturally, I had to clip that connection immediately.
A week after I got back from Portland, they had layoffs at my company. Watching Corporate America act like nothing is wrong the same day almost 200 people are let go is something that’s going to piss me off every single time. A few weeks later, my case for promotion got shot down based on two things I’d never received feedback on (mind you, I’d had quarterly feedback and what we all thought was a bulletproof case for promo). There’s nothing like being told you’re “top tier talent” yet still, someone found an excuse to block it. To top it all off, my hair stylist damn near caught an attitude at me last weekend because my hair had more breakage than she’d expected.
Long story short, I’ve been a curly natural for ten years and I’m starting to hate it. It’s so much work, especially after the Dominican girls slipped relaxer into my hair without my consent in fall 2023 and my whole curl pattern got messed up. It’s been a journey waiting on my hair to grow it out. But besides that, I’m not sure I like wearing my hair like this anymore. In fact, I’d prefer to wear it straight. So when she got in my ass a little bit after I really did try my best to keep on top of my routine, I (internally) snapped.
Playing this all back is crazy because this literally happened in the span of a month. But I don’t know y’all, I think I handled it really well! The Universe has been pushing me to either close a door or come to terms with reality in favor of something better — I don’t think any of this has been bad at all actually. The uneven ground has definitely been a lot to manage, but every time something went left, I would feel another thing go right.
Whether or not I appreciated the exchange between my ex and I, it gave me closure on the situation that I thought I was fine not having. For so many reasons, that man is not even 5% of what I deserve or frankly, what I want. I think I needed to really see and understand that up close after a long amount of time away from each other. I’d never seen him more clearly than when he was up in my phone tying a religious reason to each one of his shortcomings in order to still avoid responsibility. He had a ‘lustful spirit’ and it’s been a daily battle! That’s why it’s taken forever to apologize! Freaking spare me. Him acting like the apology was a favor to me had me about to curse him out. I didn’t though!! It made me realize that he wasn’t even worth the amount of weight I’d allowed him to have on my love life since we broke up. I had to stop blocking myself from real connection out of fear that what happened with him would happen again. After all that, it does feel like he’s behind me for good now and that in itself is really freeing.
When Portland guy tried to lovebomb me, it almost felt like the Universe was asking, “are you SURE you’re done with these emotionally immature men who don’t pace themselves properly?” The answer was yes, the easiest yes. Between him and my ex, it was almost like this karmic ending between me and men who rush intimacy. I happily dodged a bullet and am so proud of myself for that.
Between layoffs and my promotion being rejected, I was featured in my studio’s teacher newsletter for having lots of positive feedback in my yoga and sculpt classes. I had so many people come up to me after my classes expressing how much they’d enjoyed it and it meant the world to me. A reminder that whenever I do the things that are genuinely on my heart, they are so well-received. It was an affirmation that even though work was stressing me out and attempting to kill my spirit, the new path I’m charting is flourishing.
Speaking of a new path. I applied to a scholarship for a life coach training program earlier this summer where I had to explain why I want to become one and the communities I want to serve. In that application, I went on to express the truest form of my life vision I’ve ever written. I really dreamed big in that application, I told them exactly what was on my heart. All that paid off when the day before I found out my promotion fate, I checked my email to find that I’d received a scholarship amount for far more than I’d expected. Another, even bigger affirmation, that living a life that truly fulfills me is more in reach that I thought. Y’all I am so, so excited for this. I’m going to be a life coach!!!!
This past month has been a series of full circle moments. Stressful, yes, but also a nudge into this next chapter of my life. Accepting emotional immaturity in my dating life is no longer a thing, matter of fact it gives me the ick immediately. Hitting a wall at my corporate job the same time I got awarded a huge scholarship for life coach training was the Universe essentially saying, “don’t worry about them girl, better is on the way.” Teaching yoga so consistently through all of this kept me grounded in my purpose and reminded me that being my authentic self is a good thing and the right people will gravitate towards you because of it. Coming to my wits end with my hair has pushed me to stop being so attached to doing my hair a certain way when I actually don’t like it enough. Will report back on how being a blow-dry natural goes 🫡
So yeah, things are changing and shifting and it’s scary but it’s also really good. Exciting, even, to know and trust that the right things are happening for me in the right time. For those with their Saturn in Aries, we have a much needed break starting tomorrow through mid-February. My advice to you? Take some time to reflect on the past few months. Write it all out and ask yourself: what was this meant to teach me? Sometimes we get so stuck in the negative that we end up forgetting one very simple fact of life: when doors close, another is always going to open. Believe that and remember it. Sending you so much love 💛
my matcha moment 🍵
Still reading romance novels - the Love Lyric by Kristina Forest this time. I thought I wouldn't like this last book in the Greene Sisters series as much because it's about the oldest sister falling in love with a celebrity but it's actually so great. I'm also getting into music artists who are a little uh, happier and high vibrational. Olivia Dean is my current fave. Man I Need has absolutely been on repeat.